Letting Go of Anger 118

letting go of anger

I just had an argument with my dad. Another one.

Honestly, no one can annoy me that fast except for the people I love the most.

I’m not going to make excuses now or even explain the situation in details. It was just another case of anger provoked by random daily things, then he started mentioning other old reasons for quarrels and things escalated.

But this time I managed to let go of anger.

You all know how when someone annoys you, you want to react in the same way, say something bad, scream, or else. And we all regret it after that. Because whatever we say or do is caused by the adrenaline, and is not at all real.

So I just took a few deep breaths (it really helps to calm down instantly), looked at things from another point of view and came up with the following conclusions which I think can help you too when you’re on the verge of getting angry:

6 Steps to Dealing with Anger and Let Go of It

1. You shouldn’t take things personally and must always put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

My dad has problems on his own and is often more angry at himself rather than at me, even though he’s not satisfied with the things I do. So instead of reacting and making things even worse, I decided to understand him.

2. The other person’s expectations aren’t met.

He expected things to turn out in a certain way, and as it always happens – they didn’t. He wanted me to do or say what he imagined me doing and saying, but I have another understanding of the world and am an individual with my own way of thinking, so I do things my way.

That’s why he got disappointed, probably expected too much as well. Then the only way to let these emotions out for him was getting angry at me.

Understanding that helped me a lot.

3. Be compassionate.

Showing compassion towards someone is always the right thing to do.

I decided to see my dad as the emotional human being he is, with all his worries and fears, problems and burdens. That helped me let go of anger immediately. I felt peace after the burst of adrenaline.

4. Arguing is just not worth it.

Sometimes saying nothing is the best decision. It’s hard, it means making a compromise, but later you’ll thank yourself. That’s what I did.

5. Try to be objective.

What if the other person is actually right and you just can’t see it because you’re blinded by past experiences and your own ideals and opinion?

It’s possible. And many times at least 5-10% of what the other person says is true.
I thought about that even though I didn’t want to admit it. But then felt relieved.

6. Don’t see him as your opponent.

People often play the role we give them. They feel our vibrations and if we are aggressive and consider them enemies, they behave like one.

So I saw him just as my dad. Not as someone that’s angry, bad to me, or an opponent. Just my dad. And that simple thing made me smile and say nothing more to provoke him.

If you only learn to accept things and people as they are, you’ll never need to experience an argument again. Only that little but significant habit will help you get over anything you encounter.

Accepting means being okay with things, which means there’s no pressure, effort, denial or a desire to change things. And that’s a sign of no suffering. So when you accept and let things be, you’re truly happy and life is easy and pleasant.

Having these things in mind, and many others, help us deal with hard stuff in life. They include understanding, accepting, compassion and letting go and are the ultimate language of kindness and going with the flow. A life lived by them is always a good life.

I’m not yet successful at anger management. I know things in theory, but not always in practice. Often I let my emotions out without thinking, and feel bad afterwards. But small steps lead to great progress and noticing my anger every now and then is still a big thing for me.

And if you don’t know where to start, that’s the best way – begin with noticing when anger comes, in what situation, what provokes it, how you want to react, etc.
Then you can analyze it and stop it before it has even risen.

But whatever you decide to do, know that letting go is the ultimate freedom. It means letting in peace and contentment and freeing yourself from the burden of what has already happened, what is out of your control and what is not worth worrying about.

That’s some progress in my personal development and I’m grateful for it. But if it wasn’t for Leo’s books and posts on Zen Habits, it would have taken me much longer. He made me see how easy and simple things are, and his writings on letting go helped me the most. It’s worth visiting the blog if you haven’t already.

See also:
The other person is never the problem
16 ways to manage your anger
Dos and don’ts for dealing with it

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What the Richest People in the World Have in Common 6

What the Richest People in the World Have in Common

Getting rich is something everyone dreams about.

For those facing financial hardships, getting rich seems the only way out to tide over shortage of money. For the bourgeoisie – the working class – getting rich conjures up visions of stuff they want to buy for luxury or higher social status. Millionaires also wish to get rich: they want to become billionaires and enter Forbes List of the world’s wealthiest people.

Unless you inherit a fortune or get lucky at lottery or sweepstakes, getting rich can be quite tough.

Yet, there are countless rags-to-riches stories around the world. Enterprises such as Amazon, KFC, Facebook or SpaceX have become runaway successes within a short span. The reason: their founders have several things in common, which is rare among other people.

Here we look at various traits that the world’s richest and most successful entrepreneurs have in common.

The Common Traits of The World’s Richest People

The Common Traits of The World's Richest People

1. Serving People.

“If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it,” said John D. Rockefeller, who laid the foundation stone for America’s giant petroleum industry and his own enterprise, Standard Oil. The same adage holds good today.

Facebook, for example, was launched by Mark Zuckerberg and his roommate, Eduardo Saverin to allow Harvard University students to share profiles and pictures

There are countless such examples of ordinary people striking rich. However, they share one thing in common: serving people. The main objective of launching these enterprises was to make life easier or enjoyable for people rather than earning money.

2. Reading Books.

Microsoft founder Bill Gates, celebrity TV show host Oprah Winfrey, SpaceX and Tesla CEO Elon Musk, Berkshire-Hathaway CEO Warren Buffet and several other extremely rich people of the world have one more thing in common: they are avid readers.

Bill Gates reads at least 50 books every year – an average of nearly four and a half books per month.

Elon Musk owes his success at SpaceX, the project to open space tourism to his love for books and the knowledge he gained from them about rocketry. Oprah Winfrey attributes her success to dozens of books, including some 70 top titles she read on her way to success while Warren Buffet spends about 80 percent of his day reading books.

3. Long-Term Financial Strategies.

A report by CNBC states, all wealthy people depend upon long-term financial strategies rather than short-term gains. They utilized their earnings and savings to invest in safe stocks that would assure gains in the long run rather than indulging in risky trading that can offer high returns.

Such financial planning and decisions ensured they do not lose money. Further, they invested money in their enterprises without the hope of immediate returns.

These wealthy people first focused on building a brand, offering value for people to identify with the brand. And later, popularize the brand through word-of-mouth publicity, which is more effective than traditional advertising.

4. Never Say Die.

Yet another common character trait shared by the world’s richest people is, they are not quitters.

Like every other human on Earth, these wealthy folks also witnessed ups and downs in life. Some of these were so overwhelming most ordinary people would have called it quits and gone in search of easier ventures.

Brian Chesky, Joe Gebbia and Nathan Bleckharczyk, founders of Airbnb, the world’s largest hotels and accommodations aggregator were plagued with financial problems.

 

Heavily encumbered with debts, bankruptcy was staring at these entrepreneurs in the very eye. Yet, they did not budge. They innovated their service that made Airbnb the world leader in its field today.

Another excellent example is Colonel Harland Sanders, whose recipe for fried chicken was rejected as many as 1,009 times before it was accepted. Col. Sanders is the founder of global chain Kentucky Fried Chicken or KFC.

5. Accepting Criticism.

Most people flee from criticism of any sort. Rather than learning from negative comments arising out of their behavior or work, they take umbrage rather quickly. Yet, they do not bother to amend their behavior or work pattern.

All wealthy people, however, are different. They are willing to be criticized for introducing new ideas or thoughts.

Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, rightly says that those who will try and do something new must be willing to draw criticism.

Steve Jobs, founder, Apple, Inc. puts it in even stronger words: “If you want to make everyone happy, do not become a leader; sell ice cream instead.”

The success of Amazon and Apple proves their founders were right when it came to accepting criticism.

6. Out of The Box Thinking.

how regular life looks like and why it won't make you happy

Thinking outside of the ‘box’ or a typical mindset is often impossible for most people. Understandably, because everyone draws their mindset from factors and circumstances they are raised and educated in.

This mindset eventually becomes a formidable fetter for anyone wanting to become an entrepreneur. Generally, most people follow the flock and take professions they falsely believe as best suited for their skills. Others try to follow footsteps of their parents.

The wealthiest people in the world never followed flock or took lucrative professions of their parents.

Mark Zuckerberg’s father was a dentist and mom – a psychiatrist. Bill Gates’ dad was a banker father while his mother was a lawyer.

Despite coming from wealthy families, they chose to follow their passion rather than confine their thinking to the proverbial boxed mindset. Col. Sanders had lost his parents at a young age of six years and had to shoulder responsibilities of his siblings.

Other Examples of What The Wealthiest People Have in Common

As we can see, these qualities or personality traits are common to the world’s richest people. It sets them apart from others. Most of them launched small enterprises with the sole purpose of bettering the lives of people. Their products or services gained popularity because money was never their consideration. Widespread use of their technology, products, and services eventually led them to become wealthy.

These traits are not typical to the US or the western world, as one may mistakenly come to believe. A glance at some richest people in India and elsewhere also reveals, they share the same characteristics with their American counterparts. This amply proves that richest people around the world share something in common, regardless of where they live and flourish.

Another common trait that all rich people share in common is philanthropy.

Since childhood, they believe in giving back to the society and helping the underprivileged. They practiced charity when they were not so rich and continue to donate money for the betterment of the society even after becoming billionaires.

These richest people on the planet never waited to become wealthy. Instead, they were philanthropists since childhood – a trait most other people pathetically lack or try to foist upon themselves to gain popularity.

In Conclusion

It is not easy to become wealthy. Or everyone would become a millionaire. People who do make it to the top have a different way of thinking combined with an undying zest for learning new things and educating themselves.

They do not consider conventional learning at universities as the end of their education. Instead, they try and acquire new skills every day and find ways and means to become better humans rather than focusing on fattening their purses.

The world’s wealthiest people also share one common trait: they are not people pleasers, despite their generosity and willingness to serve the society. Because they know, trying to please everyone will get them nowhere and could mean possible failure.