Stop Expecting (And Trying to Change People) and Start Accepting

stop expecting and trying to change people

I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations. ~ Bill Watterson

We expect so much from ourselves, other people and life in general. And it’s almost always different from reality.
That’s how we bring disappointment into our days. And live with regrets, discontent, lack of purpose and no hope.

We have so many expectations in our relationships, for example, that are beyond reality. We create an idea in our heads of our partner, how we want him to react to what we say and do, how we want him to change once he’s with us, etc.

We build an imaginary version of this person and the more we focus on it, the further it gets from how things really are.

But the other person is an individual, and nothing he does, says or thinks can be predicted.
Which is not a bad thing. It’s just life, full of surprises.

But instead of enjoying them, here we are – being discontent because people don’t meet our expectations and events didn’t turn out as planned.

And with wanting and expecting comes suffering.

If we decide to have a healthy relationship with another person, however, we should first let go of all the things we expect him to do, and accept him for who he is.
Then, whatever he does, we will be happy and take it as a part of his unique identity.

Don’t try to change people. Stop wanting something from them. Don’t expect them to behave the way you imagine them to.
Instead, let them be who they are and enjoy the time you have left together.

That applies to every other aspect of life: Stop expecting, start accepting

Also, always be aware of the fact that life has some limits. Don’t expect things that are beyond them because you can lose even what you have now.
And then you’ll realize you actually had just enough to be happy.

Not only do we expect, but we do it too much. People have limits, but our fantasies don’t.

When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~ Donald Miller

So that’s just another thing we need to eliminate from our life, another barrier on the way to a happy and peaceful living that we have to get rid of.

What will you do today to expect less and enjoy more?

See also:

Toss your expectations into the ocean
The secret of success: Lower your expectations
Letting people be

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How to Look and Sound More Confident

How to Look and Sound More Confident

We associate confident people with success. But does confidence lead to success, or does success lead to confidence?

It’s a bit of a chicken and egg scenario. But there is plenty of evidence to suggest that working on your confidence levels will indeed boost your achievements in the workplace.

The thing about confidence is that it works two ways.

On the one hand, exude confidence and your clients and colleagues will have confidence in you – self-belief is very reassuring to others!

In fact, for better or worse, the mere appearance of confidence can be more likely to get you a promotion than your actual ability! When you think of some of the dubious phonies who’ve leapfrogged you in the past, it kinda makes sense, right?

And on the other hand, confidence builds confidence within yourself. When you adopt the look and the sound of the self-assured, you begin to feel bolder on the inside. You take risks and put yourself forward for opportunities you might otherwise not have. You begin to work with clear, bold strokes rather than inching ahead in half-measures.

Great – so how to create that feeling? Well, in the long-term, you can use cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to deal with the underlying causes of your indecisiveness and lack of confidence. But in the short run, getting the aforementioned look and sound of self-belief is a fairly simple matter of adjusting the way you speak, listen, and move.

If you’re particularly shy, try starting with your hands.

Keep them out of your pockets.

Burying your hands in your pockets instantly gives the (possibly correct) impression that you are nervous or uncertain.

And even the (hopefully incorrect) impression that you are dishonest or lazy. Keeping your palms open and faced upwards is a way of opening up to those around you and exuding trust.

Likewise, a firm handshake of around two-five seconds communicates warmth and self-assuredness. A limp handshake, on the other hand, might create the impression that you feel out of your depth. And an over-strong handshake always feels like the giver is trying to prove something!

The next steps are to work on your eye contact and the way that you intone your sentences.

This can be a bit much to think about when you’re struggling with what you actually want to say. Which is why it’s best to start with the other stuff first.

But take it one stage at a time and you can gradually build a confident manner that will start to perpetuate itself by making you feel strong on the inside. For a full guide to the remaining tweaks, you can make to get that feeling, run through this new infographic from Poundplace.

 

Build your confidence back up, and success will surely follow.

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Build your confidence back up, and success will surely follow. Here's an infographic on how to look and sound more confident: #confidence #selfesteem