This is a guest post by Jon Eborn.
I meet men and women all the time who admit that sometimes they think relationships are overrated. For one reason or another they struggle more than they should. It is true that relationships don’t always go as smoothly as we’d like and with the divorce rate at 50%, let’s not pretend they are a piece of cake.
Yes, they take some work and some selflessness, but they also require having some sound relationship wisdom and discipline. Remember, it’s not really how much you know; it’s about applying what you know into your life. Take a look at the following 8 things you must stop doing in your relationship…pronto!
1. Cut the jealousy out.
Give each other some space. No one wants to feel smothered and imprisoned. If you seriously can’t trust your partner, get out of the relationship. Everyone deserves free time, privacy, and some friends to hang out with. Be secure and trusting. Cut the jealousy out!
2. Don’t pick fights.
One common problem in relationships is arguing over the smallest things or getting annoyed continually. This causes hurt and pushes you and your partner apart. Instead of picking fights, try talking your problems through in a calm manner. If you’re stressed out, go work out or meditate. If you’re PMSing, curl up in bed and watch a movie or stay at work late. I’ve picked fights and I’ve been the recipient and neither are any good.
3. You’re not the boss.
I understand that relationships usually involve one who is more of the leader – who wears the pants in the relationship – but this can cause resentment if it is taken too far. You’re not really the boss so lose the fat head. Work on making your relationship equal on both parts. No one wants to be bossed around and feel like they are a slave.
4. Don’t judge.
Everyone is different and has different opinions on certain topics. If your partner does not agree with you, do not judge them or put them down for it. Chill out. Wouldn’t it be pretty boring if you agreed on everything anyway? Different opinions can actually be a good thing.
5. Stop complaining.
Of course, everyone complains or vents sometimes and a little bit is completely fine. You’re only human. But complaining about every little detail is a turn off for your partner and can cause you and your partner to feel distant. All you do is come across as a whiny little brat.
6. Stand true to your word.
If you make a promise, make it a priority to keep it. Do what you say you’re going to do. You need to have trust in a relationship and breaking promises causes distrust. Watch what you say and make sure that if you say something, you really mean it.
7. If they say they loves you, they do.
Many people like to hear “I love you” about 3 times a day. They just like to hear it (or read it in a text).
Problem is that some people do not feel compelled to repeat themselves on the matter continually. I hear this from men a lot. They say, “I say I love you often” (which really is like once per day or two, but to them, that’s a lot!) and women will complain that they don’t hear it enough.
How about coming up with a magic number and agreeing on it? Or is that too “planned out”?
How about just letting each other know what you’re comfortable with and both of you accepting what happens? Trust that the love is there.
8. For the love of humanity, don’t try to change your partner.
So you’ve found your perfect partner! Woohoo! Congrats!
But four months down the road you realize you’re your perfect partner is not so perfect- especially when you move in together.
Remember that if you want your partner to change, it is probably not going to happen. Some things, like bad manners, are changeable with a nice conversation about polite table manners. But other things, like temperament or social status might not be so easy.
Bottom line is that you shouldn’t think you can change your partner to be exactly what you want him or her to be.
Communication is important, but it doesn’t mean he or she will change just because you don’t like something. If your partner is annoying, lacks basic hygiene, or belittles you in front of his friends, certainly state your issue, but don’t expect change because he might be perfectly fine with himself. If he is, you might have to cut ties and move it along.
Relationships take some work, patience, and a good amount of love. Rough patches will come and that’s alright. Work through them. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and life as you do.
Here’s to awesome relationships!!