Last Updated: June 10, 2018
I believe that no matter where you came from, no matter how you look and what you do, and no matter how many times you’ve failed or what your personality is, you can learn how to stop being shy, build self-esteem and thus become confident in yourself.
You can do that yourself, without any support or the help of experts.
And once you do that, you can achieve whatever you want in any area of life – you can get a good job and excel in it, find a partner and start a healthy relationship, get in shape, be able to approach strangers without any shyness, change your habits, appearance and attitude.
As a result, others will start looking at you with fresh eyes, new opportunities will come your way, your opinion will be heard, you’ll be less shy, etc.
And that’s the very first step of the process of building self-confidence and overcoming shyness – realizing that you deserve it as much as anyone else, understanding that there are steps to take and small things you can do to start increasing your self-esteem today, and most importantly – believing you can do it and taking the decision to become a confident individual.
Yes, things like body language, just telling yourself you’re confident, pretending to be so, and so on, help. But anyone hardly gives them a chance and tries them more than once.
If you still haven’t found your way, but are dying to let the confidence within out and stop being shy once and for all, then check out the tips I’m offering here:
3 Steps to Take to Increase Confidence, Stop Being Shy and Feel Good About Yourself
1. Look people in the eyes.
Believe it or not, that can be the one thing you can learn to do that will help you overcome social anxiety and thus change your whole life.
So many people can’t handle this, feel so uncomfortable around people (strangers or not) that they walk with their head down just not to meet their eyes.
And if you think about it, that’s ridiculous. But it’s a fear too many people share.
It’s connected to insecurity – thinking you’re not good enough and knowing others will start judging you. That’s why you prefer to avoid any contact and attention.
But life goes on, and it passes the passive people by. You can’t go on like that.
I used to be like that some time ago.
But then, while trying to change other things in myself and realizing that there will always be someone to judge me no matter what, I understood that their opinion doesn’t really matter.
Also, you can never know how unsure of themselves others are. Most are just not showing it.
What helped me overcome such shyness and insecurity the most was becoming aware of something – I had figured my goals out, knew exactly what I wanted and was doing something about it (trying to turn my passion into a career, getting fit, making some changes to my attitude towards life, etc.).
And that gave me a confidence boost – I felt good about myself and realized that even if people don’t like me, judge me, say stuff about me, I’d still be okay with who I am and where I’m heading.
And that was enough to let me walk with my head up, stop being shy, and be able to look people in the eyes for as long as I wanted (not too long, of course, as it gets creepy).
So give this a try.
Start with accepting yourself. Know that you’re the best version of yourself in this very moment, but can always do something to improve your future self. This way you’ll feel comfortable in your own skin.
Then, start practicing. Look one person in the eyes for longer every day.
It may feel awful, but just trust yourself and do it. Don’t think too much. No one will even notice.
But soon you’ll be able to do it while walking on the street. And, believe me, it’s an awesome feeling to walk around being okay with who you are and not keeping your head down scared to look when you’re alone and a group of 10 cool people passes you by.
And the good news is that this will make you more and more confident and you’ll stop being shy and start seeing improvement in every other area of your life too.
Related: My 10 Best Confidence Habits
2. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations.
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.
Comfort is the enemy of achieving more, improving yourself and moving on.
Your comfort zone feels great – I know – but nothing new or exciting will ever happen there.
Here’s what this post on EliteDaily says about that:
“One of the best ways to grow and experience what life can offer is to try something new. But for many of us, “new” is unfamiliar and unfamiliar is uncomfortable. So, we willingly trap ourselves in the incapacitating cage of a monotonous nine-to-five grind.
We become disillusioned as our boring days turn to boring nights. When things become routine, our expectations drop. We no longer expect to live bold, exciting lives. We no longer look forward to our futures because we’ve spent so much time in limbo, doing the same, mundane things every day.”
And here’s what Leo from Zen Habits advises:
“The way to master discomfort is to do it comfortably. That might sound contradictory, but it’s not. If you are afraid of discomfort, and you try to beat discomfort with a really gruelling activity, you will probably give up and fail, and go back to comfort.
So do it in small doses.
Watch yourself as you get a bit uncomfortable — are you starting to complain (internally)? Are you looking for ways to avoid it? Where do you turn to? What happens if you stay with it, and don’t do anything?”
3. Try the Mirror Technique.
Last but not least, do this simple exercise that doesn’t require you to go out or meet any people.
The Mirror Technique is something that sounds silly if you hear it for the first time, but is a practice all successful people respect and have tried.
All you have to do is stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eyes (preferably with confidence) and say (out loud or in your mind) positive affirmations.
They must be optimistic sentences that have something to do with your abilities, believing in yourself, beating shyness and anxiety, unleashing your true potential and reaching success in life.
A great way to start and build the Mirror Technique as a habit is to include it in your morning routine. Doing it in the bathroom right after you brush your teeth will make it easier not to skip a morning.
Soon, you’ll feel comfortable doing it. You’ll get used to the way you look (as most people don’t feel okay with that), stop being shy, and behave naturally when communicating with others.
Try it. It helps.
So which of these 3 simple, but powerful ways to build self-confidence and stop being shy would you try today? What else has worked for you?