How Finding the Right Mentor Gave Me Confidence 56


This post was written by Sebastian Harris.

Hi, I’m a world traveler, writer, and dating coach. And a couple of years ago, I couldn’t even leave the house.

“How can you work as a dating coach when you can even leave the house?”

That’s a good question. As you can already guess, I didn’t always work as a dating coach. In fact, at that time I didn’t work at all. I was too scared to talk to people and too terrified to look them into the eyes.

Every conversation felt like an internal battle. The simple word “hi” made me feel insignificant. Sometimes I think back to this time and ask myself if that was really me. I changed, a lot. But it didn’t happen overnight.

Developing true and authentic confidence takes time.

It’s a marathon, not a sprint. But once you reach the finish line, you’ll know that the journey was worth it. I hope that this article inspires you to start your own journey to more self-confidence, happiness, and freedom.

Mine started at a point that I wish you never reach…

The Day I Reached My Lowest Point

“Please God, end my suffering. Kill me, kill me!”

These were the words I screamed on my way back from the lake. All I wanted was to go there to have fun with friends and to belong. But my mind had other plans. The moment I arrived at the lake, my heart was beating faster than a techno song from the 90s.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I had tears in my eyes.

Looking at all these beautiful people with their flawless body made me feel inferior. Looking at myself and the huge scar on my chest made me feel sick. Yes, I was sick of myself. The little confidence I had was pushed down by self-hate.

On my way back I cried. I wanted to die so bad. That’s why I rode my bicycle as fast as I could. I hoped that I would get a heart attack.

Today I am so thankful that I survived.

The Day I Made a Contract with Myself

Life is a Set of Problems. Here’s Your Guide to Solving Them.

On the next day I woke up feeling dizzy. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. I was exhausted and my thoughts were racing.

“Is that my life? Is that it?”

I asked myself this question over and over again. When I looked into the mirror, I felt the tears coming.

I cried for a couple of minutes.

Then it hit me. I realized that I couldn’t continue like that. Deep inside I didn’t want to die, but I also didn’t want to continue to live like that. I needed to change and I knew that if I didn’t do anything about my situation, I would end up killing myself.

That’s why I took a piece of paper and wrote.

I wrote down my thoughts, my dreams, and my hopes for the future. Then I signed the document. It felt so stupid to do that. Back then I didn’t know that this simple act had a huge impact on my life.

This piece of paper was a contract that I now had to fulfill.

The Day I Met My Mentor

I did what everyone does who wants to solve a problem. I asked Google for help.

I typed “how to become more confident” and “how to get over your fears” and all kinds of other phrases into Google. It took a while until I stumbled upon a YouTube video from a guy who did all kinds of crazy things to step out of his comfort zone.

He waved at strangers. He asked strangers if they want to marry him. He did all kinds of things that seemed impossible to me. I was convinced that he was on drugs…or an alien.

I was curious.

“What if I could do that? What if I had this confidence?”

I couldn’t stop thinking about how my life looked like if I had the confidence to do what I want and be what I want. And again, I had tears in my eyes…tears of joy and hope.

The Day I Felt Confident for the Very First Time

Long story short, he became my mentor.

I booked a coaching with him and I even flew to another country to learn all the things that he could do so effortlessly. The moment I boarded the airplane, my heart was racing. One part of my brain told me that this is the biggest mistake of my life.

Thank God I listened to the other part.

Over the next couple of days my mentor taught me life-changing lessons about confidence, life, dating, and success. Yes, it was hard and yes, I was terrified when I stepped out of my comfort zone for the very first time.

But it was totally worth it.

It turned out that seeking help from a mentor was the best decision of my life, not the worst. After two days with him, I felt unstoppable.

With the right guidance, change can happen fast.

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9 Ways to Handle Change in Your Life [Infographic] 5

9 Ways to Handle Change in Your Life [Infographic]

When a big change happens in your life, it doesn’t have to be a negative change to have a huge impact on you.

Change causes uncertainty and our brains and bodies react to uncertainty by trying to protect us with the release of fight or flight chemicals and hormones.

The downside to this is that living with these for an extended time results in elevated heart rate and affects your digestion, immune systems and blood flow.

But there are ways you can regain control over your life even in the midst of big changes.

The first is to take a step back and reflect on what’s actually happening and what your involvement is, which will help you to understand and find perspective on the situation. Hopefully, this will enable you to find the opportunities that every change in your life brings, rather than obsessing over any short-term negative impacts.

It may also help you to allow yourself a transition period where you adjust to the changes. But with a firm deadline by which you expect to have moved on and settled into the new routine. Even if it doesn’t quite work out that way, it will still push you towards visualizing the end of the uncertainty, which will prepare you to make it happen sooner rather than later.

On a more basic level, you need to remember to look after yourself during this time of change and the related stresses.

It can be too easy to fall into bad habits like neglecting your own simple needs, like a good night’s sleep and staying active and eating right when you are going through something like this. Having a day in your pajamas eating ice cream out of the tub is fine. But your body needs sleep, exercise and nutrition to keep you healthy.

Routine can be a comfort when it feels like everything in your life is changing.

So try and stick to some simple ones like walking your dog every morning or going to a regular gym class to give your life some stability and consistency.

You also need the help and support of those around you. And having a strong support network is crucial when it comes to coping with big changes in your life. This means family and friends, but you could also seek out people going through similar experiences by looking online. There may well be communities who you can talk to and get helpful tips from.

Most importantly of all, you need to be aware of when you need more than just the love and support of other people to help you cope with stress and uncertainty. If you start to feel like your mental health is really suffering, or you have been feeling the symptoms of stress for more than a couple of months, you need to go and talk to a health professional to get the help you need to bounce back.

You can read more practical tips about dealing with change and the symptoms it causes in this infographic from Pounds to Pocket.