There are benefits of being single in your 30s. But like anything else, these pros and cons. The perspective you choose is critical, though. It’s what can make or break your personal growth journey, success in any area of life, and – ultimately – finding love.
What inspired me to write this is the fact that I got out of a relationship 6 months ago, and now that I’m 31, I ended up being without a partner for the first time in my 30s. And while I was mostly by myself in my 20s, now it hits differently.
Most people around me either have a partner and a family or are obsessed with the idea of finding love and living happily ever after. The reality is different, though.
You don’t want to be desperate, to put all your eggs in one basket (and give up on living a good life in case your soulmate doesn’t come any time soon), end up being with someone just to feel less alone and to show others you can do it, or to answer society’s expectations and enter a relationship because every woman must have a man to be considered successful.
Let’s leave that behind and instead find a way to make the best of both worlds. The perks you’ve been given at this stage of your life can be powerful if you decide to make the most of them.
So if you’re single in your 30s and ready to embrace that, focus on the advantages, enjoy your life to the fullest and be the best version of yourself, read on.
The Benefits of Being Single in Your 30s
1. You have options, and that’s freedom.
Let’s face it. Many people in relationships or who are married feel trapped. I have plenty of examples of that. I never want to be in that situation.
And while the single ones can often crave what those with a partner have, the opposite is also true. People in relationships want the freedom we have. They want to be able to travel anywhere, or even move to another country, without having to tell anyone or consider anyone else’s opinion.
They want to start new hobbies, go on dates, have adventures, and to not know what’s next in life. They want to be able to imagine that the best is yet to come and to be excited to meet the most amazing partner ever.
They want to dream big, start a business, change careers, learn languages, and live life on their own terms. But most of that would affect the family dynamic. And while it’s all still possible, they usually don’t dare to ask for more in life and put their family first.
Priorities change once you’re at that stage of life, but before that, freedom tastes great and you can grab life with both hands.
Having options means freedom, so make the most of it if you’re over 30 and single.
2. You know what you don’t want.
By now, you’ve had a few disappointments in terms of relationships. Maybe you ended it with someone because you had differences, got cheated on, lost the passion and connection and everyone just went their way, or else.
Whatever the case is, that taught you a lot about relationships, communication, what you don’t want in a partner and what you can’t tolerate.
Ultimately, this information is critical for finding the right person. Because you either want the right fit for you or nothing at all.
When dating in our 20s, we don’t have enough experience. We can easily fall for the wrong person and stay with them forever. But at 30, being single can be empowering. It means you know what you’re looking for.
We’re all adults already, we know what we want. And while we are willing to make compromises if the right partner comes along, we also won’t just change our identity.
3. Massive growth.
One of my favorite benefits of being single is the growth is leads to. That also happen in a relationship, sure. I had that last year and there was massive growth for both of us. After the breakup, I took my time to reflect and heal. Months passed, and in some ways it still continues.
But after that I felt more empowered than ever. I love myself more now than I did back then, and more self-love is always a win (as one of my mentors, Gala Darling, likes to say).
Give yourself time to heal. But then move onto analyzing what went wrong and what you’re going to do in the future to not be in the same situation. Analyze the dynamic you had with your partner and learn from it. Go read the books that cover exactly what you went through and find the underlying causes.
In my case, it was fear of abandonment, emotional deprivation that can be traced back to childhood, issues with my dad, attracting emotionally unavailable partners later in life, having a wrong idea of what safety means, and so much more. This gave me a lot to explore and I learned so much.
Now I’m better equipped when a new person comes and can watch out not to end up in a dynamic that repeats childhood patterns or is toxic in any way.
4. Embrace the real you.
Another one of the benefits of being single in your 30s is that it can turn into the adventure of a lifetime if you set yourself free, finally start expressing yourself fully, and just be all that you are.
Chances are, you’ve repressed your true nature for different reasons so far. Either to do what’s expected at school and later work, to please family, a partner, or anyone else. Maybe you never started dressing and accessorizing the way you wanted to. You never dived into spirituality because those around you would judge that. Maybe you never found your people and a community you can feel like you belong to. Maybe you never explored your sexuality and never unleashed your feminine energy.
Now is your time to do all that as you’re wiser, have been playing small for too long, and are tired of following social norms.
Travel to a country your parents haven’t even heard of. Have an Ayahuasca ceremony. Go to therapy. Explore the depths of your subconscious mind. Go off the grid for a month. Write a book. Make art. Change your appearance.
Do anything your soul guides you to, listen to your intuition. It can take you places.
5. Enjoy your solitude and space.
You won’t always have slow and peaceful mornings (especially when you have kids). You will share your bed with a partner for most of the rest of your life.
But now, your home is yours and not only can you design it the way you want to, but you can enjoy the solitude. If you’re an introvert like me, that’s priceless.
I absolutely love my mornings, I can have any routine I feel like and won’t be bothered by anyone. I can do creative work whenever I want to, stay at home for a few days when feeling down and be in my own energy, or recover after a more social period.
I can also go to bed with a guided meditation, do other practices during the day to move energy and clear my mind (such as tapping) and not suppress any emotions.
Once there’s a man in your life and in your home, other great things will be happening but you might miss that peace and solitude. Make the most of it now.
6. You can meet amazing people.
If you’re wondering how to enjoy being single in your 30s, the answer may be this: go date the most amazing and interesting people. Hang out with a completely different type of person than what you’re used to. Get out of your comfort zone. Be spontaneous.
You can focus on the lack (to think you’ll always be alone, that there aren’t any good men left, that you haven’t found someone till now and it’s too late). Or you can see the abundance (that others just like you are in the same situation, that dating in your 30s is so mature and no one tolerates drama, that you can find smart and fascinating people to have deep conversations with).
When this is done without obsessive attachment over the final result (meaning, you don’t go on a date thinking you just met the one), you can be your most attractive self, you can have fun, not expect anything from the other person and yet state your boundaries and/or desires clearly. That’s how I do it now that I was ready to get back into dating.
7. Health benefits.
Did you know that there are health benefits of being single too? That includes less stress, a better ability to balance responsibilities, better sleep, and increased productivity and creativity. Single people also tend to be fitter and healthier.
A study found that single women are more satisfied with their sex life, and also that they aren’t necessarily happier when married.
So before your soulmate comes into your life, how about you focus on these and find more joy in daily life?
8. Professional growth.
Being single in your 30s also means you get to focus on you and do work that matters, start and grow a business, or excel at your job.
Whatever career trajectory you decide to follow, you get to put all your time in it and achieve more in a year than others do in 5.
8. Break generational patterns.
If you’re in your 30s now, you’re a millennial. That probably means that your parents and grandparents didn’t have the freedom and purpose-oriented life we are used to. They might have not married for love, they might have done what was expected from them, they might have stayed in an unhappy marriage because it’s what they were taught is right. But you don’t have to.
That means you can break that generational pattern and be the first woman in your family that chooses herself, pursues her big goals in life, decides not to have children at all, might be by herself if the right partner doesn’t come along, and so on.
That means you might face some judgment, pressure from relatives, or feelings of unworthiness. Work through these and hear your heart’s desires. That’s your best guide.
9. You’re done with the drama.
Another one of the benefits of being single at 30 is that you don’t have time for bullshit anymore. You don’t care about people’s opinion that much, don’t live to impress others, don’t need to explain yourself, are okay with who you are and don’t need to answer to anyone.
You can recognize red flags in a potential partner quickly and easily and simply won’t invest time in something that is doomed or doesn’t feel right from the start. You’ve had enough of that in the past and simply don’t tolerate it anymore.
That’s a blessing in disguise and will save you a lot of trouble.
10. Sex life is better.
And last but not least, we gotta mention how advanced you must be sexually. The next one of the benefits of being single at that age is that you know what you want and what you don’t want. You’re either ready to explore further, or done exploring. Either is fine. But this helps you see if someone is right early on.
Chemistry can be deceiving, of course, so you also know pretty well you can’t rely only on that.
You make a difference between sex and relationships, and are here to form real intimacy. Chances are, your partner will be equally experienced and yet, you will still teach each other a lot.
Women in their 30s are owning their sexuality more than ever. They know what looks and feels good and don’t wear clothes to show off skin or body parts, but because it makes them feel good.
They are empowered and independent. And if you’ve done your inner work right, you aren’t seeking attention, and yet you’re attracting it in the most natural way. You don’t chase, and that’s a powerful position to be in.
You also know your body pretty well and love it, you take care of it and appreciate it.
So these are some of the main benefits of being single in your 30s. What do you think? Which of these have you experienced already?
Don’t forget that it’s all about giving yourself permission to be, do and have anything you want.
