From what I’ve seen and experienced myself, and from what people have shared with me, lack of confidence seems to be the main thing that’s stopping us from taking action towards our goals.
There’s more to that, though. We also don’t approach new people, aren’t social because we don’t feel comfortable in our skin and thus miss out on what can be the next great relationship.
We are also too insecure to express our opinion. And, sadly, in life we can’t get what we want if we don’t ask for it. Confidence in our abilities is what helps us do it.
Lack of self-esteem makes us sabotage our own happiness and success as well. We consider failure an option, don’t believe we’ll make it this far and often don’t even start because of that, or give up early on.
Be if we were sure of our success, things would be different.
So without confidence, we can’t get far. But just imagine what we can achieve if we have it.
What if you were so confident in yourself and your abilities, that you never listened to the naysayers, didn’t care what others or society think of you, had no doubts, didn’t need any help or support, and could just get out there and take action towards your desires?!
I think that’s absolutely possible. What’s more, it’s a must if we want to live a life of abundance, and be happy with who we are and what we got.
But how do we gain confidence?
Two things must be done:
1. You should eliminate the things in your current life that are making you insecure and with low self-esteem.
2. You should be making small changes in your life and learning new behaviors in order to make confidence your second nature, just like you do with any other new habit you’re building.
So let’s take a look at each.
Eliminating What’s Making You Less Confident
In 8 Ways Other People and Stuff Suck The Self-Esteem Out of You I talk about the people in your life, and out of it, plus some other outer factors, that are making you doubt your abilities and be insecure.
In a nutshell, here are the 8 things I mention:
Your parents make you believe you’re not good enough.
Solution: You don’t need anyone else’s approval or opinion in order to feel good enough. You’re already a unique individual and the only barriers stopping you from living the ideal lifestyle are the ones in your head.
2. Past failures.
Many people don’t believe they can succeed only because they’ve made mistakes in the past. But failure is a learning experience and no successful people have reached the top without experiencing defeats many times. It’s how we learn and grow. And how we eventually find what works.
Solution: Let go of the past. It has nothing to do with your present or future. Once you leave it behind with peace, you’ll see that it has nothing to do with your level of confidence. And you’ll be able to just give your new idea a try without comparing it to a project in the past that failed.
I talk about the fact that society gives us a wrong perception of what confidence consists of. According to others, a good-looking, rich, popular and busy person is allowed to have high self-esteem.
But in reality, such a person is rarely truly happy.
We can be confident right in this moment, even before we’ve achieved anything. Because this belief will help us build momentum and stay consistent when going after a dream.
You don’t need to change anything about yourself either, in order to be confident. You don’t need to make anyone like you. Those who respect you and appreciate you for who you are, however, will stick around. And they are the only ones you need.
“The moment you let go of insecurity, doubts and shyness, you can give everything in life a try without fearing it, can approach even the most unapproachable person and can see what life is all about.
So free yourself from everything society wants you to believe. And do what feels right, follow your own path, do more of what works for you and ignore what everyone else says.”
Comparing yourself to others is a habit most people share, but which makes them miserable and is a sign of insecurity and desperation.
If you think about it, it’s pointless. You have no right to compare yourself to others, as you don’t know what they’ve been trough. Also, no two people are like. You see the world differently and don’t have similar plans or goals. Which means you’re walking different paths. And why lose focus and lead astray from yours] just to compare your life to someone else’s?
Solution: Stop comparing. Appreciate what you have and who you are, and work on becoming a better version of yourself.
As I’ve said before, environment is a big part of how successful you are. It affects your confidence, or the lack of it, too.
Solution: Start dressing for success, take care of yourself. Eliminate toxic people from your life – those how lower your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself. Get rid of things that remind you of who you were when you were insecure in the past.
Successful people use powerful and positive words. The rest, complain, are negative and always in doubt.
The words you use shape your identity and affect your thoughts and actions.
Solution: See how confident people speak, and start using their vocabulary. Remove negative words. Stop telling others that you want to be more confident. Instead, say that you already are.
I’m sure there are many other outer factors that have a negative influence on our self-esteem. But there’s a way to ignore or eliminate each. Don’t hesitate to analyze all these and do something about them today.
Making Confidence a Habit
First, decide that you’ll work on it and make it a priority. That means dedicating a little time daily to practice being more confident (by affirmations, meditation, talking to yourself in the mirror, watching someone you admire and imitating him, reading about the psychology of confidence, etc.)
Make a plan. Break it down to small steps.
Consistency is key, together with starting small. So I suggest you think of simple actions that take no more than 5 minutes to do 2-3 times daily.
Before you go out, tell yourself in the mirror how confident you are. Fake it by breathing deeply, smiling to yourself, standing straight and enjoying what you see.
When you’re out, focus on walking and talking with attitude, even if you don’t feel it in the beginning.
When in public, approach new people no matter how hard it is. It’s best to simply start a small talk without thinking too much. Do a few of these and you’ll feel much more comfortable the next few times.
That’s how you overcome shyness and deal with social anxiety too – by doing the one thing you’re scared of.
I believe gaining confidence can change your life. And if you haven’t seen progress for some time, it’s because you don’t believe in yourself enough to ask for more, to get out there and speak up, to take action, to connect with influencers, etc.
How confident are you in your opinion? And what can you do today to improve that?